When right now isn’t what you want

Week three: the messy middle, weekly notes

When I reached the chapter, “When right now isn’t what you want” in Ruth Chou Simons’ Now and Not Yet, it felt like she summed up my entire season in just seven words.

This right here, my present reality, wasn’t what I wanted, dreamed of, or even asked for. It can feel confusing as I’m wondering, why am I here? Yet here I stand, in the messy middle. And most days, I’m still here.

She writes:
”If I only knew what God was doing in my present reality, perhaps then I could really enjoy where I’m at because I’d know how my story will make sense in the end.”

That line struck me. Because I too want to know the why and just how this story might end. There are a hundred questions I wrestle with, and sometimes it feels like I can’t even tell my story because I’m waiting for God to choose a new ending. A friend asked me recently, “how do you imagine it ending?”

The truth is, I imagine a different version - something neater, more romantic and more victorious. But the reality? It’s messy. And I often feel stuck.

It’s hard to live on purpose when my expectations take me somewhere else.

And yet, I keep coming back to this:
What does it mean to embrace my right now, not as wasted time, but as a place God is already working? What does “Christ in me” look like in the disappointments, the deferred dreams, the waiting?

I don’t have all the answers. But I am learning that even if today isn’t what I want, God knows what I need. And that changes how I walk forward, one small step at a time.

Questions to ask, reminders to remember and prayers to pray so we can focus on today instead of the uncertainty ahead.

• What unwanted or impossible reality in your right now feels purposeless for getting you to the someday you long for?

• “How we embrace our right now is a perennial and continual realigning of the heart.”

• “Even if today isn’t what I want, God knows what I need.”

  Lord, right now may not be what I want but tune my heart to sing your grace. Let me lean in and listen to the melody of your faithfulness today. You go before me and You promise to never leave me or forsake me. Remind me to not be discouraged but to trust in You, Lord. (Deut. 3:18) I cast my cares onto you knowing that You care. (1 Peter 5:7). Amen.