Loosening the Grip on Perfect in the waiting

Week Four: The Messy Middle, Weekly Notes

When the chapters of our lives are uncertain, it can feel like we’re living in constant restarts.

I’ve often felt as though I’ve lived two different lives, the person I was before my divorce, and the person after. In this later version of me, progress has sometimes felt like walking through quicksand. Where I once excelled quickly, now it takes more effort, more time and more mental energy.

Perfection isn’t on the table anymore. I’ve had to loosen my grip on: “If it can’t be done perfectly, I don’t want to do it at all.” Instead, I’m learning to do what I can with what I have and to find the courage to keep trying again.

Because even choosing not to engage in this season shapes my trajectory.

The truth is, cultivation rarely looks perfect at first. It’s slow, messy and often hidden. In seasons of waiting, so much happens beneath the surface.

As I’ve been digging info functional wellness, I came across this line in Now and Not Yet: “Your unknowns and the next steps you’re unsure of may be the very things kick-starting your brain to learn and grow.”

That shifted something for me. The very uncertainty I resist might be the soil where growth is happening.

So hang in there. Keep taking the small steps. Get back up when it feels like you’ve fallen again. Create simple, grounding routines, like keeping a glass of water on your nightstand. These small habits help ease the strain of decision fatigue.

And then ask yourself honestly: What am I running toward? What am I running away from? Especially on the days you don’t feel like running at all.

Because at the end of the day, God often meets us at the intersection of our “just get started” and His “watch Me do this.”